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it's hard not to want to do everything. all my life, i've wanted to do everything, to love everyone, to keep all the beautiful things in my life for as long as i can. i think it's human nature, to want to cling to the things that matter most to us. but i also think it's a fool's errand, or at least i've been coming to that realization recently. turns out, there's a limit to how much time we have to give--to how much love, and energy, and patience we can pour into the things we care about.
i started this year with a resolution to live my life with intention. it's not a SMART goal or whatever, it's not measurable or time-bound or specific, but it means something deeper to me: a commitment to live my life in the way i choose. not just consuming whatever the algorithm feeds me, not just mindlessly doing whatever it is i'm used to doing with my time, not just going along with my life as i've led it until now. obviously not every single choice i make will be one i consider deeply first, but i believe the general mindset of being intentional with the way i choose to live my life is incredibly powerful, and has already encouraged me to enact positive changes in my life.
one such change has been the recognition of my capacity. i've always known, of course, that there are only so many hours in a day, only so much energy i have to give. but it wasn't until recently that i really sat with the fact that i should limit myself to what i know i can do with full passion and energy instead of constantly spreading myself thin.
i've always said that the things i love are worth the work, and i still believe that to be true, but lately i've realized that i can love something and believe it's worth the work, and also recognize that i can only put so much work into the world around me before my well-being starts to suffer.
and so, one month in to my year of living with intention, i am doing my best to prune out the plants i know i can no longer care for, to choose which passions and loves i want to curate and keep, and to let myself grieve and let go of the beautiful things i don't have room to carry. i will always yearn to carry more than i can bear, but it is perhaps the kindest thing i could do for myself to choose wisely and learn to let go. beautiful things come and go, but my soul and spirit are mine forever, and i should cherish and preserve them most of all.